Why are Dating Apps so Depressing?

I wake up every Monday and Wednesday at 4 in the morning so that I can get ready for the opening shift at my minimum wage job at the campus recreation facility. I serve as the bridge between members and the fulfillment of their equipment needs. Basically, I check out towels and basketballs. But before I can open the hearts of the guests with an early morning smile, I begin my day with a bowl of cereal and a look at the latest messages on my various dating apps.

Most of the time there isn’t much to look at. The messages I have received while I slumbered can range anywhere from a new person seeking my attention to an old hook up trying to see if I’m “looking” for the night. I continue scrolling through the various pictures and messages, searching for that one that will spark my interest and cause me to take a leap of faith into the arms of a stranger. Predictably, no such message exists and I slump over my Cinnamon Toast Crunch, defeated once again by the virtual dating world.

This is a cycle that I find myself in more and more as I continue to use dating apps, such as Grindr and Tinder. Trying to find a connection in the virtual world can be depressing and soul sucking. Messages go ignored on both ends, everyone lies on their profile to sound more interesting, and at the end of the day, that torso on Grindr is really only interested in where you’re at and if you can “host.”

Is the logo a skull because this app will suck the life out of you?
Photo courtesy of Google Images

But why are dating apps so depressing? What happened to the simple days when pairs were made outside locker rooms? As long as both parties were content with the match, you could have a boyfriend/girlfriend in no time. But why do these applications take away that simple side of dating? Because dating apps create a potent mixture of destroying romanticism while simultaneously reminding us of every flaw we have.

These apps have brought about the end of fantasies and dreams that have been with us since our childhoods. Think about it, since we were wee tots the idea of finding true love at the drop of a hat has been pounded into our brains. We have all had that fantasy that we would meet someone and find a connection to another human being in the most romantic way possible. Dating apps have taken away that romantic aspect of spontaneously meeting another single human being. What is so romantic about picking and choosing the best looking abs in a line up of men? Nothing.

When you have to choose someone from a list of people on an app it feels more like you’re picking the best brand of shoes that you would like to potentially try on and have for a week or two before returning them for store credit. It’s empty. There is no fire, no passion that comes from a smart phone screen. You can’t hear the excitement in someone’s voice when they discuss their pastimes, or the love they have for their favorite sports team. These things have to be added to the conversation by your own mind, rendering the dialogue completely one-sided. Interactions with someone you’re interested in on an app can feel disjointed, and lifeless. Conversations don’t feel as urgent as they do when meeting in person, because there is no sense of I have 5 minutes before the barista finishes my coffee order and I need to find out everything I can before he/she disappears forever because then I could have a chance to see him/her again.

That romanticism is further destroyed by the idea that everyone on the app has to be picked by someone. Dating apps are like the stereotypical gym scene in an elementary school. Everyone who you think is attractive, funny, and cool gets paired up together while you are left on the sidelines wondering when someone will pick you to play on their team. Except in this scenario you continue to send notes to the cool kids and they continue to throw them in the trash without looking at them. And this selection of people adds to the heavy weight sitting on you, because you know that you won’t get picked by the one you want because of some, unforeseen reason.

Ever since high school, when we would hear the horrible things people thought about us, we have been afraid of people judging us. Even those who say they don’t care, have at one time in their life been terrified that they were ultimately put on a scale and scrutinized by another human being for some facet of their personality or looks or whatever. The plus side of high school, was that we would tend to hear these things second-hand from friends or people who overheard the nasty things others would say about us. A majority of the time we didn’t have to take the judgment at face value, and we could shrug it off. But with a dating app, that judgment is thrown in your face, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. It’s inevitable that the minute someone ignores your message you start listing all your flaws and the things you heard in high school: too fat, too skinny, rude, not funny, mean, annoying, etc., etc. Flaws are magnified in your head when people are rejecting you left and right.

Dating apps are not perfect, that’s to say the least. But to write them off entirely would be wrong as well. They do offer the opportunity of connecting with someone you wouldn’t normally connect with, and it extends the playing field for the single members of society. In some cases, like Grindr and Jack’d, people who may be in the closet or questioning their sexuality can find a safe space to explore and find what they really want, something they wouldn’t be able to accomplish in the physical world. And some extremely lucky people really do find love and happiness by using these apps, and to them I say, kudos. To the rest of us I say, carry on.

While I have deleted my dating apps numerous times, I continue to go back to them. My morning routines wouldn’t be the same without reading five different “hellos” from the same guy. And while, I haven’t personally been able to completely eradicate dating apps from my life, I still try to hold on to that romantic notion that one day, when I’m handing someone a towel, or getting my coffee at Starbucks, I’ll meet someone and know that there could be potential there. I won’t let Grindr take that away from me completely. 

Web Series Watch Party: It Could Be Worse

Since the web series The Outs had concluded at the end of the month, I have been in search of a new web series to fill my time with. This search had been proving fruitless until about a week ago, when I stumbled across It Could Be Worse, a darkly comedic web series created by Mitchell Jarvis and Wesley Taylor. After watching the first few episodes I became hooked and buckled myself in for the funny and rather twisted ride.

It Could Be Worse follows the life of Jacob Gordon, played by Taylor, as he deals with his needy, neurotic boyfriend and his insanely odd parents. Gordon's life is turned around when an old flame, Ben Farrel, returns to New York City and prompts Gordon to start changing things in his life.

Wesley Taylor who portrays Jacob Gordon in It Could Be Worse.
Photo courtesy of Google Images. 

So far there have only been ten episodes that have been released, but there are more to come. Even as I sit, writing this post I wait in anticipation for the next episode to be put online. Each episode has a run time of anywhere between 7 and 10 minutes. These episodes are not wanting for content, despite their short length.

The writing for the series has been humorous and dark, causing the viewer to find the perfect mixture of awe and hilarity in each episode. Taylor and Mitchell have provided audiences with a wicked storyline that does not disappoint. Each episode builds on past episodes, expanding the plot and characters but still keeping the watcher in anticipation for what twist could come next. From drugs to pooping in the ladies room, It Could Be Worse provides excellent coverage of the topics and plot twists that we all yearn for.

The series was awarded Indie Series of the Week on welovesoaps.net, and was nominated for the win for four consecutive weeks. It Could Be Worse is quickly becoming one of the most talked about series on the web. All of this is completely understandable. With the great writing, and the absolutely outstanding performances from the cast, this series provided what I was looking for after my emotional ending with The Outs.

The series also has wonderful guest stars sprinkled throughout the episodes including Audra McDonald, who plays Jacob Gordon's shrink, and Debra Messing, a neighbor of Jacob Gordon's who doesn't seem to get along with him very well. These are just a few of the wonderful surprise appearances that come up in practically every episode. The entire cast is filled with the latest faces from on and off Broadway, and any theatre lover would be ecstatic to watch this.

Each character gives a wonderful performance as well. Taylor's portrayal of Jacob Gordon is phenomenal. Every mishap that comes his way deepens your sympathy for the character, and sometimes makes you want to jump into the screen and comfort him once another thing in his life goes wrong. Overall, the cast does a wonderful job of bringing this fantastic, dark world to life.

If you are interested in watching It Could Be Worse you can find all ten episodes here. Enjoy!

Web Series Watch Party: The Outs

Back in October, I had the great pleasure of stumbling across a web series that I instantly fell in love with. Of course, I found the series because of tumblr and the first night that I had found the website I watched all the existing episodes that I could.

This series is called The Outs. 

Of course, for some people this series won't be their cup of tea. The 6 episode storyline follows the lives of two gay men who, before the action of the series, were dating and had moved to New York together. The two eventually fall out of love and break up and the series follows their lives in New York after the break up and the emotional fallout that comes from the end of any relationship. 

The story revolves around Jack

No boxers? That is shameful. 

And Mitchell

That's him. With the glasses. 

The dynamic between the two characters is interesting because the story follows their break up, not their romantic interest in each other. At first, you can feel the tension and anger between the two in the first encounter that the audience witnesses. But as each episode progresses you start to see the characters move towards the closure that each craves for.

The first encounter is masterfully done, as well, because at the beginning all the audience sees is two separate people living their different lifestyles and then all of a sudden we are shown that there is history to the show. Even though we don't fully get that history until a later episode, the scene is written in a way that the audience almost knows everything that has happened between the two of them, even though we are never actually told. 

Each episode lasts only around 20 to 30 minutes, but each episode has proven to be well written, captivating and emotionally moving. As I continued through the series I began to sympathize with the characters, and even start seeing myself in the ups and downs that some of the characters faced. 

The series also offers a perspective on the gay community that is refreshing and touches a lot of bases. From the stereotypical "slutty phase" that Jack claims to go through (and the connotations of promiscuity and gay men) to Mitchell hitting on a burrito delivery man because he is lonely, the series doesn't focus on one aspect for each character. Both Jack and Mitchell hit stereotypical points seen in typical media depictions of gay men and both have moments that people don't normally see in mainstream media. 

One of the best parts of the series is that the characters are flawed, human beings. It's not like watching a movie and thinking "this could never happen because this situation is too fantastic to live in the real world." When you watch the series it's like looking into the lives of two real people. It's like looking through the screen to get an intimate look at a relationship that has gone through hell and is starting to come out of it. 

Each episode is written, produced and shot in Brooklyn, NY. The project was funded by donations and two successful Kickstarter campaigns that allowed the cast and crew to keep the project going. The series works a lot with local businesses and relies almost entirely on local artists and musicians for their soundtrack. WHICH IS AMAZING BY THE WAY. 

Seriously, the soundtrack is great. I listen to it daily and I can't get enough of it. The music complements the action for the story so well, and listening to the soundtrack is like watching the series all over again. 

The story of The Outs captures your attention and keeps you wanting to watch. Before you know it you've watched all 6 episodes in one night and you're sitting in the darkness of your bedroom, wishing for more. The most heart wrenching part of this already emotional show is that the last episode has already been aired. 

The Outs and any information that was written about in this post can be found here or by going to The Outs on Facebook. The pictures above were found from tumblr. Also the AMAZING soundtrack can be found at this awesome link right here or by just clicking the "soundtrack" page on the website. 

Enjoy your watching experience with The Outs!